Surrey Classics v Port Moody
Noel Booth Park
10th. Feb 2013

Weather: Sunny but cold with the field frosted over but playable

Players on duty: Dean Herbert, Jimmy Butler, Danny Jensen, Dave Moore, Pat Rohla, Alan Massender, Larry Thorlakson, Gene Crowley, Chuck McGill, Alfie Deglan, Chris Arcari, Lorenzo Arcari, Randy Hosler, Doug Rosenlund, Rick Geary, Warren Crowley, Daryl Lawrie, Pat O'Krane

Moody try to get the blues, but end up getting the blues ......................................
An early mistake in defence by Randy Hosler went unpunished before Gene Crowley pushed a lovely ball through for Pat O'Krane but the referee halted play with an off-side decision. Most of the early pressure came from the visitors and the Classics failed to find their rhythm with too many balls going astray instead of going to their teammates. Alfie Deglan sent one such stray pass to an opposing player but his weak shot was straight at keeper Dean Herbert. On the quarter hour a rare attack from the Classics was finished by a Deglan shot which really turned into a real 'Deglan shot' as it came back down covered in ice. In the 18th minute a cross from G. Crowley brought a diving header from Chris Arcari but unfortunately the ball was aimed straight at the grateful visiting keeper's hands. Minutes later a counter attack was finished by a Moody attacker blasting the ball high and wide of the left hand upright when it looked easier to score. The referee became the centre of attention when he blew Daryl Lawrie as offside when he was clearly two yards onside. Even the opposing centre half was falling about in fits at the decision as it was so wrong.

port moody    port moody

Another attack from Moody ended with Larry Thorlakson coming to Herbert's rescue when he was perfectly placed to kick the ball off the line. When Chuck McGill entered the field he made an immediate impact with some good shielding and lay offs with the ball, but still the Classics couldn't make any impact on the visitors. There was a major kerfuffle before the end of the first half which resulted in a red card for Alan 'Cantona' Massender. You've heard the song "It started with a kiss?" Well, this was something similar. This started with a kick at Massender (who still had possession of the ball) so he showed his elbow to the offending player who said, "Oh Yeah!" and then stuck his head to Massender's forehead. Massender then took a page out of Dave Moore's latest book, "How to choke a weak link" and grabbed him by the throat and pushed him away. As he fell he was kicking out so Massender retaliated with a kick while he was down for which he was suspended for the remainder of the game. Lorenzo Arcari admitted that he had tried to 'pull him off' (it must be an Italian thing!) Massender was unhappy that he had to leave the field of play and was considering getting his lawyer involved. The manager quietly called him over and said, "Don't worry Alan. I have a great lawyer - he even got Stevie Wonder his driving licence back." With the half time score at 0-0 it had the statisticians wondering when the last time was that the Classics played out a goal-less draw, more importantly so, when was the last time that the Classics failed to score in a game?

port moody    port moody

In the second half, a right wing corner from Warren Crowley was just missed by O'Krane who's header failed to connect properly after Doug Rosenlund had slipped a nice pass through. Pat Rohla made an unscheduled appearance but his first effort was woefully inadequate as he laid an easy effort straight to the keeper. The Classics were beginning to take command now with some sustained attacking flair. A great corner from Rosenlund was played forward by W. Crowley to Rohla who blasted the ball wide across the face of the goal and for a goal kick. Rosenlund continued the supply of centres and minutes later another such cross was headed over by O'Krane. The Classics were failing to punish the opposition due to some terrible finishing. Unable to restrain himself any more, the injured Jimmy Butler donned his boots and took to the field. Deglan tried his luck again but the keeper made another routine save. All the possession and pressure was in the hands of the home side now and it was a case of how long the visitors could hold out or, conversely, could they force a counter attack and make the home side suffer for their inadequacies?

A left wing corner from Rohla seemed to take forever due to him being deep in conversation with one of the off field visiting players who was unhappy with the positioning of the ball. Rohla explains, "I put it on the corner and the guy complained. I said, 'Does the ball have to be inside the arc?' and he replied, 'No - it just has to be a piece of it.' I said, 'Well, thanks for the update but that rule changed five years ago!' So I couldn't get it in as it wanted to roll off again. I asked him if he wanted to come and hold the ball for me but he stared barking away. I put the ball down and whacked it in." When the corner eventually came over it fell delightfully for O'Krane to head the Classics into a 72nd minute lead. Rohla continued, "I immediately ran down the touchline to him and asked, 'How was that working for you?'"

port moody    port moody

A rare attack from the visitors was finished with a shot which Herbert held well. Although the home keeper had little to do, when he was called into action he responded competently and his handling was first class. With just eight minutes remaining some good interplay between Butler and O'Krane was finished by Butler with a cool low shot to the left of the keeper. The ball was perfectly placed as it went in off the upright to give the Classics the insurance goal which they had so desperately been searching for. L. Arcari had settled in well in the second half and was having a fine game in midfield, as was his twin Chris who put in a sterling performance alongside Danny Jensen at the heart of the defence. A right wing break from O'Krane was passed to Daryl Lawrie but his effort was too close to the keeper to cause any trouble. With five minutes remaining Rosenlund released O'Krane, via a deflection off a defender, for a one-on-one with the visiting goalie. O'Krane took the ball wide to the right of the keeper and it looked like it would go dead but he managed to remain enough in control to squeeze the ball through a very acute angle to make the scoreling a more convincing 3-0. The players made their usual congratulatory handshakes and headed back for the kick off. With the ball on the spot, the Moody players lived up to their name and barraged the referee with complaints that O'Krane had been in an off-side position when he had received the ball. In one of the most preposterous footballing decisions that the writer has ever witnessed, the referee changed his decision to award the goal and gave the opposition a free kick for offside, even though the decision was totally wrong (not even taking into consideration that he had been played on by a defender). It was an absurd decision and did nothing to enhance the credibility of the game at this level. Nonsensical is the kindest adjective that can be used to explain the referee's foolishness. With two minutes remaining Port Moody won their first corner but if they fancied a late come back it wasn't going to happen. Moody fell to only their second defeat of the season as the Classics completed the double over them. Much of the credit goes to the Classics defence who were outstanding with Herbert thoroughly deserved his shut-out.

Quotes of the game:
"The referee was a cross between Pete Townsend of the Who and John Cleese" - C. Arcari
"I tried to pull him off" - L. Arcari
"In the 22nd rant by Danny at half-time he said the 'F bomb' 19 times" - C. McGill
"I was really thinking that Alan was turning into a bit of a pansy but I think I've changed my mind now" - D. Jensen
"Hey Alan - was that a case of SR" - P. Rohla
"It was a heavy day for Pat - he had to change his tampon five times" - A. Massender
We have run out of beer - is it significant that Chuck was doing the food? - D. Moore
"I'm drinking for two" - C. McGill
"Chuck is banned from doing food next year. Ths club can't afford it" - J. Eden

Final Score: Classics 2 Port Moody 0 (0-0)

MWG: P. O'Krane
Red Card: A. Massender (the enforcer)
Crap award: A. Massender
Team Photographer: Tony Short who wants his bottom recognising.