Classics v Fort United
Noel Booth
6th. Oct 2013

Weather: Warm, sunny and blue skies

Players on duty: Jimmy Butler, Danny Jensen, Jim Eden, Dave Moore, Pat Rohla, Alan Massender, Larry Thorlakson, Gordie Macklin, Gene Crawley, Daryl Lawrie, Chuck McGill, Alfie Deglan, Chris Arcari (capt), Sherman Foster, Warren Crowley, Pat O'Krane, Willie Dixon

Fort fortresses breached ......................................
The first local derby match of the season was a much anticipated game for the throng of supporters who had come out to watch the encounter. After consultation with the RCMP it was decided that no segregation of fans was required so the opposing multitude of followers lined their respective touchlines. Alfie Deglan returned to the fold but he was unrecognisable - he wore his new kit and he looked stunning in his new white shirt which was sympathetically complemented with matching accessories. These consisted of white high-heels, matching fish-net tights, white tinged shorts, white underpants and he even died his hair white to adorn the courtly accessories. Everyone agreed that he looked the 'belle of the football.' It was just a good job that it wasn't snowing or he could have been run over by a snow plough on the way to the ground.

When the game got underway, all the early pressure came from the home side and Willie Dixon was very unlucky with an early chance which hit the crossbar after a double effort after the initial shot came back off the goalkeeper. A scare occurred in the Classics defence after Danny Jensen uncharacteristically laid a ball off to Chris Arcari but it was a wayward pass. However, the ball was eventually cleared upfield and out of the danger area. A few minutes later a good run from Darryl Lawrie brought a great save from the visiting keeper which went out for a right wing corner.

Dixon continued his consecutive scoring record as he open the scoring again with an early goal after eight minutes. A team is always most vulnerable when they have scored, and this game was no exception. Minutes after the goal, a left wing break from United resulted in Larry Thorlakson being left stranded in no-man's land. A comment from the sideline declared, "I've seen milk turn quicker!" However, the visiting winger cut in and stroked the ball across the goalmouth to an unmarked player at the back post who rocketed a shot to the near post to level the scores. With just ten minutes gone, stand in goalkeeper Dave Moore quickly released the ball upfield to Jimmy Butler who set off unmarked on a run to goal. Butler instinctively stroked the ball home with a right-footer to the left of the keeper to give the home side the lead again. Pat O'Krane then scored a great diving header at the left hand post, courtesy of a ball from Pat Rohla. It was an immense example of the O'Rohla-O'Krane combination which was repeated again minutes later. This time the combination set up an onside run which released O'Krane and this time he placed the ball past the keeper on his short side to make the score 4-1 to the home side.

Sherman Foster was cruelly adjudged to have fouled one of the Fort attackers and the referee had no hesitation in awarding the visitors a penalty kick. New coach Tony Short, having full confidence in his stand-in keeper announced to all and sundry, "If Moore saves this, I'll buy a round!" It should have had good odds as Moore does not ever remember saving a penalty in a competitive game before. The penalty taker ran up and hit a powerful shot to the left of the keeper but Moore anticipated correctly and made a diving save which brought rapturous applause from the congregation of thirsty supporters standing in hearing distance of the embarrassed coach. Comments of a resemblance to "The Flying Pig" were also heard but it all fell on deaf ears.

With the first 45 minutes running out another punt upfield from Moore set up O'Krane to completed his hat-trick. Another onside run was finished with aplomb when O'Krane dispatched the ball hard and low to the left of the shell-shocked visiting keeper to give the home side a 5-1 half-time lead.

The second half continued in similar vein to the first with Dixon making an early strike. This time the ball was crossed from the right hand side and was stroked home with some authority. In a replica situation to the first half United scored a quick reply. This time it was a long range shot which soared into the top left hand angle of the goal and even Peter Bonetti (the cat) would have had difficulty saving the shot never mind our pussy of a keeper. O'Krane had a chance to score his fourth goal but he somehow blasted high and wide over the bar when it looked easier to score. The shot had that much altitude that the Langley Clay Pigeon Shooting Club came to investigate! Jensen sent another delightful through ball to Butler who finished the move by putting the ball in the bottom corner to make the score 7-2. With time running out Rohla crossed from the right and Butler completed his hat-trick with a delightful volley into the net.

Final Score: Classics 8 Fort United 2 (5-1)

MWG: P. O'Krane
Hat tricks: J. Butler, P. O'Krane
Penalty conceded: S. Foster
Penalty save: D. Moore
Crap award: P. O'Krane